By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
