Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
