he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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