Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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