**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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