I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
