Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize