After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
