forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
