how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
