this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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