we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
