Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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