I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
