I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
