we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
