what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
