Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
smell my finger.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
