'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
