At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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