I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
