I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
