He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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