i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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