The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
