I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
