my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I could fuck to npr.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love you.
Bad choice
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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