I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
