O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
