Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
