I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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