We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
