Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My ass is underappreciated
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
