Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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