lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
