The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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