i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
