a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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