saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
