if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
