Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
