why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
