"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
