oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
