Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
