M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
babies were throwing up all over the place
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
