I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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