We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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