remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
