chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
