all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize