allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
