i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
