I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
