my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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