How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
