just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
