ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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