He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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