I just made out with a guy for $7.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
