Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
