Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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