R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize