Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
