That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize