Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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