just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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