She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
