there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
