Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is my gift to your gina
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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