My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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