Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
