I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
