Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
