She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
